Sexy builder texted me to see if I was ok to go shopping with him for a new bathroom suite but I declined as till feel rough. I went to work as I knew I was the only one in until dinner time when Manda was due in . I have anti-bacterialised entire work station and staff toilet as I know the cleaner uses the same cloth for loo seat as she does for desks.
I felt a bit light headed after cleaning frenzy and suddenly got my appetite back so I texted Manda with instructions. She brought me a tuna melt panini (0r poonani as Manda calls them) and a lemon macaroon from marks and spencers.
She was in a great mood as she met someone on Thursday night at the bowling alley. She is waiting for him to text or ring her as he promised to do so at weekend but as she said it is only Saturday so still one and a half days left. Apparently he is called Ed and is gorgeous. She said she couldn’t resist sleeping with him (in back of taxi then back at her place.) I asked if taxi driver had complained but she said he just winked at her. What is the world coming to?
Went home after work and had long soak in bath then snuggled under duvet with mug of tea and tube of Pringles and watched Pretty Woman again. Sexy Builder didn’t ring although I am not that bothered as have Richard Gere for company. God he was so sexy in ‘Officer and a Gentleman’ and don’t get me started on ‘American Gigilo’. Anyway I ended up falling asleep on sofa and was woken by doorbell . I looked terrible so decided not to answer as thought it might be sexy builder. I went to bed at midnight and slept right through.
Felt really unwell so rang in sick. I was wake all through the night with terrible pains in my back and a really high temperature. At one point I was hallucinating. I still remember the image. I married sexy builder underwater in style of Little Mermaid and we had two children both with webbed feet. 
I have made a telephone appointment with doctor as am too weak to walk the ten minutes to the surgery. I could have taken a taxi but I have dated three of the drivers from my local taxi rank and couldn’t risk it as am not looking my best. I settled down to watch GMTV with Dr Hilary giving advice about Swine Flu. Even though people are dying he said not to panic as most cases are mild. I am ill with worry about swine flu. I obviously had my normal flu jab in November at my local Asda Superstore (not that local as it is seventeen miles away) but this vaccine gives no immunity from dreaded Swine Flu. Dr Hilary says to use good hygiene and disinfect all surfaces at home and work. (not to self, take huge supply of anti-bacterial wipes to work next week). I have already started carrying anti-bacterial hand gel in my handbag for use outside as there are some horrible people who get my bus and it’s not the chav kids. They are really clean and smell of designer perfume and after shave. The drivers stink mind. Really strong BO and their hands must be riddled with potential swine flu germs due to large handling of money.
Just spoken to Doctor Bloomfield. He thinks I may have a kidney infection and I have to drop another sample to surgery asap. I rang my sister but she is on way to have a Brazilian wax. She wants to practice to see if she can go hairless for our holiday to Benidorm. I explained to her that Benidorm is not St.Tropez and that you are very likely to see droopy ‘spaniel ear’ boobs and lots of pubic hair (mainly grey) creeping out of upper leg of bathing costumes. She said I had spoiled her image of Benidorm and that she was still going to look her best in four weeks time when we go. She said she intended to have a spray tan, her hi-lights retouched and her eyelashes tinted. I begged her to collect my urine sample but she said she was not prepared to carry a tube of warm yellow liquid . I told her she would be drinking glasses of warm yellow liquid in Benidorm.
Managed to get dressed, put oversized sunglasses on and took sample to surgery. The receptionist said I would get results on Wednesday. I could be dead by then.
Work really busy today and I had to keep nipping to the loo as kept feeling like I needed to pee but when I got there nothing. Just a drop if I was lucky. My hands are red raw from using industrial strength anti-bacterial handwash. The management are taking no risks since this Swine Flu came out. Maybe I will catch it and won’t be able to go to barbecue at all. Manda says I have got bladder infection because of all of the sudden sex. She said cystitis is known as the ‘honeymooner’s disease’. Trust me to get it after a two year drought.
Rang sexy builder and explained my predicament. He said he would abstain from alcohol at the barbecue as well so that I would not feel awkward. I protested that he should just go without me and enjoy himself. He wasn’t having any of it and said he would contact his relatives to see if they could rearrange. He told me to rest and he would ring me tomorrow.
In the cold light of day I am cringing about the webbed feet thing. I emailed my best friends and they both said it was a non-starter as I was quite shallow normally. I didn’t dare tell them I have agreed to his brother’s barbecue at weekend. Am already dreading it. Hate eating bbq food as always looks half raw. Apparently his brother is well off and lives in Cheshire so we are staying over in their spare room. I will have to share a bed with those webbed toes. Euch!
Told girls at work about sex but not toes as sexy builder might come into office and that would be embarrassing. I told them he is good in bed with a buff body. They are sooo jealous!
Have been going to the loo a lot today and it stings when I pee. Have made an appointment for after work with the nurse. Think sexy builder has given me something nasty or maybe I am allergic to the condoms.
And another thing. I had to do a pee sample in doctor’s toilet. It is very tricky so I ended up peeing all over the floor and my trouser legs. Nurse put a stick in it and confirmed I have bladder infection. She advised me to wear cotton underwear (no polyester thongs) , don’t use perfumed soap to wash down below and she gave me a seven day course of trimethoprim. So felt quite smug that I have something genuinely wrong with me. Of course I won’t be able to drink alcohol whilst I am on the anti-biotics so I may have a good excuse not to go to dreaded barbecue.
Well I have done the deed with sexy builder. It was quite good for a first time (well once the cobwebs had been blown away I got well into it). He didn’t rush home afterwards either. He stayed the night and we had a repeat performance this morning-twice! Anyway I made us breakfast and he went and got us the Sunday papers and we spent all day in bed reading, kissing and cuddling. Then he said we should take a shower and I could not think of an excuse to get out of it so I was brave and went in with him.
We were soaping one another under the warm water when I noticed something strange. No, not that! The toes on his right foot are webbed! Can you believe it? In the twenty first century people still have webbed feet. It made me feel much more comfortable about my small boobs etc. It’s strange but it makes me like him even more now that I know he’s not totally perfect. In fact I think I could be falling for him although I will tread carefully as I got badly hurt in my last relationship. James made me fall for him then when I was in deep(I had the back of his watch engraved with our initials as a surprise) he ran for the hills, well sprinted more like, and he didn’t pass go or collect two hundred pounds. I dumped all his stuff
On his doorstep but I made sure I sprinkled lawn seed on his clothes first which I had moistened first. I also replaced the saline in his contact lens case with dettol.
He contacted the police but nothing happened as the officer who came out to my house was my bother’s bezzie mate.
