Doctor’s surgery sent me a letter advising me to ring doctor asap regarding urine sample. I had forgotten about sample with whole swine flu emergency. Anyway, they need not have wasted a stamp. The sample was completely normal and no further action required.
Rang in sick with swine flu. Managed to have a shower and wash hair but wasn’t up to exfoliation or shaving.
Still very weak so didn’t bother to dry and straighten hair. When I looked in mirror to apply anti ageing cream and zovirax I got an awful fright. My hair looks like a cross between the hairbear bunch (cartoon from the eighties) and Robert Plant, has been rock god.
I left a voicemail for Mark and told him I was resting so not to come over under any circumstances.
Hopefully I will be strong enough tomorrow to straighten hair and shave awful fuzz from my body. Even the wiry hair which sprouts from my chin looks longer and coarser than normal. Couldn’t find tweezers so have trimmed it with nail scissors.
Julian called around at three. He has the rest of the week on the sick then he has to return. He told me I needed to go to a spa as I looked like a zombie. That made me feel great. Then at three thirty Mark arrived with huge bunch of flowers. I managed to race into bathroom and put wet towel over my hair in style of turban. He will definitely dump me if he sees hair.
He said he managed to finish early and thought he would cook for us. I told him I had little appetite and he insisted because he said I looked gaunt. My brother Julian made a hasty exit and told me to hang on to this one as he was a good egg.
Anyway, Mark made quite a feast of lasagne, salad, garlic bread and he had bought a lemon cheesecake as he said he remembered I said it was my favourite dessert.
God this guy is perfect. Too perfect I think. I just know there’s a catch.
The barbecue is scheduled for this Saturday. He will give me a lift and we will stay overnight at his brother Clint’s house.
He said some people find his family strange so that I should prepare myself. I asked sarcastically if one of his siblings was a cross dresser and he gave a nervous laugh. I told him not to worry as my family crackpots.
Oh my days!! I think Mark (sexy builder) might be ‘the one’. He ignored my pleas for non visitation. He has tended to me all day despite my hideous disfigurement. He even went to 24 hour pharmacy for honey and lemon linctus, lozenges, tissues, Vaseline for my nose, paracetmol and zovirax for coldsore.
He has made home made vegetable soup and French baguette and brought it to my bed on a tray. He has made sure I have taken all my medication and that I am having plenty sleep. I have pretended to be slightly delirious due to my acute embarrassment about scabby lip.
When I awoke I heard him hovering then he cleaned the entire flat (probably not to my standard but am very impressed.)
He is sleeping on the settee to make sure I am ok. He said he will let himself out early as he has to return to work following a week on the sick.
The doctor refused to do a home visit as I am not in the high risk group i.e. elderly, a baby, a diabetic, an asthmatic, a prisoner. The doctor advised me to continue with the paracetemol and drink plenty of fluids and rest.
Anyway when I woke up this morning I felt slightly better until I looked in the mirror. I am delighted that due to unexpected weight loss my face looks gaunt in style of Kate Moss but on the other hand I have giant spreading cold sore in style of Amy Winehouse.
I googled cold sores and it advised liquorice balm. As I don’t have any to hand, I have eaten half a box of liquorice allsorts which I got last Christmas for my dad then I misplaced them. I found them at Easter when I was storing chocolate eggs for my niece and nephew.
Cold sore doesn’t look any better. Managed to have a shower and wash hair. In state of panic I texted sexy builder (he had left seventeen messages for me) and I implored him not to visit as I was too weak for visitors. I failed to mention unsightly mouth affliction. I then replied to my sister Anita’s email. She has asked me if our mum can take my place on Benidorm trip. The reasons being as follows
1. I have Swine Flu
2. Mum is very distressed over brother Julian’s recent beating.
3. She has received date to have her bunions done and will be incapacitated for eight weeks following surgery.
4. Anita senses that I am not keen on idea of trip .
5. She will reimburse me in full.
I have emailed immediately before mum changes her mind. I am now six hundred quid better off. Thank God. They probably would not have let me fly anyway with this huge coldsore. If it doesn’t clear up in a couple of days I will make appointment with nurse.
Oh my God. Have been asleep for eleven hours solid. Feel bit better so will have bath then attempt trip to neighbours.
Had to go straight back to bed as went dizzy and faint when was getting out of bath. Think I may be dying. I have rang doctor and am waiting for call back.
No improvement. Temperature still very high, no appetite, limbs aching , sore throat and dry cough. The Tamiflu has given me the runs and my bum very very sore.
I keep dragging myself out of bed to take paracetemol and also look at NHS website for latest swine flu update. It says it is possible to catch it again. This is because it can re mutate and become a different strain. The country is in panic. People are dropping like flies. At this rate I will miss barbecue and Benidorm trip. Haven’t been excited about it anyway. Hate Anita. What a bitch for refusing to collect my anti-virals. Maybe I can sell holiday on ebay. I could say swine flu forces sale. Mind people are worried that they can pick flu up from ticket even though swine flu germ can only survive for twenty minutes on paper (according to Dr Hilary on GMTV). I can’t think how or where I caught it. Must have been sexy builder. I don’t think his personal hygiene as fastidious as mine.
My mother has rang and said the reason I have caught it is I am too clean. I have no resistance to germs and that is why I catch every bug going. She was very matter of fact and not at all sympathetic. She said she had left me some bread and milk and tissues with Mrs Skelly but I would have to get them myself. There is no way I can make it next door to collect grocery items. It’s a shame as my nose is in awful state due to using Asda smartprice toilet paper to blow it. I could really use those tissues. I will just have a little sleep then will try to go to neighbours.
NO I haven’t been on blog since Sunday as have got Swine Flu. On Sunday night I developed really high temperature (didn’t have thermometer so knocked at neighbours at eleven pm and asked Mrs Skelly if she could take my temperature. She felt my forehead and confirmed I was definitely running a fever. She said there was no need for these new fangled digital contraptions.
I rang my doctor’s surgery and was put through to swine flu help line. I had to describe my symptoms to person (unqualified I am guessing) as they were called Elvis and spoke with a Pakistani accent. I was then told a doctor would ring me asap. At three in the morning a doctor (Rahman) rang and confirmed my worst fears. I have swine flu and have to get a healthy person to collect Tamiflu asap.
This is where I became stuck. My sister refused on the grounds that we are going to Benidorm soon . My parents had been warned by my sister so didn’t pick up the phone. My brother is still recovering from severe beating by Micky ‘the hatchet’ Hargreaves. I texted my two colleagues in desperation but they were scared to catch it. As a last resort I rang Sexy Builder. He sounded terrible. He has had swine flu and that is why he has not been in touch. He has arranged for his friend to collect my medication and drop it o
Well what a day I have had. I was woken up at six thirty this morning by my mobile ringing . It was Smithy, my brother Julian’s policeman friend. He said he had rang my doorbell last night at midnight to tell me Julian was in hospital. He had been beaten up badly by local hardcase Mickey ‘the hatchet’ Hargreaves. ‘The Hatchet’ had learned that Julian was sleeping with his fiancee Bianca Balls.
I headed straight to the hospital. The whole family were there keeping a bedside vigil. My mum was distraught. She said he should have stayed married and out of trouble. My dad said no good ever came of playing the field. I told them to go home and get some rest and that I would stay with him .
He woke up and spluttered a load of blood. He managed to mouth ‘sorry our kid’. He explained that he had joined the gym at the swimming baths and that Bianca worked on reception. She was beautiful and funny and he was dazzled by her. He said he had no idea she was in a relationship with Micky Hargreaves as she told him her boyfriend was away in the army. He said he was gutted because he had fallen for her bigtime. I was a bit bewildered as I had only spoken to him last week and he didn’t even mention he had met someone.
After a while the police came to interview him but he wisely said he didn’t remember anything and therefore was unsure who had beaten him up.
Bianca then showed up wearing a dark wig and huge sunglasses and warned him to stay away. She said she had been flattered by his affections but she knew her future lay with Mickey as he could offer her a huge house with a Jacuzzi and walk in wardrobes. Julian could only offer her his heart and at a push a semi detached ex council house with blocked paving. She gave him back his love letters and the bottle of Britney Spears perfume he had bought for her and reminded him to stay away.
