Got mum’s shopping in during lunch break and had to lug it back to work. Mark working overtime so he rang me at work on pretence of ordering toilet fitments and said he would pick me up at seven and drop my overnight bag off at his flat.
He confirmed he had ordered a taxi to pick us up at quarter to eight. Taxi then picking Gus and Manda up at 8 o clock. Gus is staying at Manda’s house for the whole bank holiday weekend.
I told Mark taxi was going to be expensive but he said not to worry as his overtime would cover it. I don’t think he is that well off judging by the amount of money it must have cost him to renovate his apartment. Maybe he is trying to look good in front of my friends?
Just a few lines before Mark picks me up (I am waiting for him to toot his horn-I may be tooting it later on if he’s lucky! ooh sorry, had a couple of Jack Daniels and diet coke to get me in party mood.)
Anita rang me and said she is definitely pregnant as she had done three tests in a row. She said she had to drink a pint of orange squash to produce enough urine. I asked her if she was going to tell anyone else about it and she said ‘ Carla, of course, I have told Ivan and he is over the moon, in fact he danced around the bedroom when I told him.’
Somehow I do not believe her as Ivan begged her to get her tubes tied after the twins were born but she refused saying that getting your tubes tied was a very serious operation and it made women gain weight. Ivan refuses to have a vasectomy because one of his work colleagues (Ray, another Taxi driver) was butchered during his operation and had to wear a truss for months. Ray claimed that the truss made his bits look
like a piece of brisket beef.
Also his partner Geraldine got pregnant the following year so Ray said it had not worked. I pointed out to Ivan at the time that it is a well known fact that Geraldine is known as ‘Slagitha’ down the local working men’s social club. Also the baby was born with black hair and sallow skin and the rest of the kids are borderline Albino with ginger hair like Ray.
Only time will tell if Ivan is really chuffed about the impending birth of their offspring. I do think one of them should get contraceptives though as more than three kids is a lot for these days unless you can afford them. Oh will have to go as I can hear Mark ( he has the Killers on in car, think should be something seventies like Earth, Wind and Fire to get us in right frame of mind.)
Mum texted to give me a shopping list as apparently dad incapable of buying bread and milk. She said she is excited about coming home but bit nervous about bunion operation.
I texted her back and told her that bunion operation date was yet to be confirmed and she could be on the waiting list for months. Anita texted and said she would ring me on Sunday or Monday after new pregnancy test results. She said Channel and Paris both got awful sunburn and she had to take them to casualty department. I said she has spent quite a lot of time in Spanish hospital. She said I am lucky, it could have been prison as she had come close to murdering both mum and Ivan. I told her she probably has pre menstrual syndrome. She said please God.
Work very busy as Manda had brought a quiz sheet in and took ages to complete. She said her and Gus are both going as pimps to the charity do. I said how very classy. She said she has superb flowery shirt, flared trousers and trilby hat. Apparently Rex has been to a vintage shop and his costume cost a hundred pounds. He said he didn’t mind spending that amount as it was for charity. I explained to him that the vintage shop was privately owned and therefore the meningitis charity would in no way benefit from his spending spree. He said he would donate his tips from the salon for today and Saturday .
He said he hoped I was going to make an effort. I told him my costume was agnetha from Abba and he said ‘quelle surpreez!’. I justified my lack of enthusiasm on huge credit card bill looming and he said he would let me off.
I rang Mark. He has managed to borrow a wig and some platforms from Mungo (oh the pros of having a transsexual brother). Anyway he said he looks like Alvin Stardust. I said that was marginally better than Ziggy Stardust. He is working late tonight so early night for me. I need to prepare myself mentally for the Benidorm ones’ return as well as going to work and the party.
Anita rang me at seven this morning absolutely hysterical. She has done a pregnancy test and it is positive. I told her to calm down and repeat the test on Saturday when she is back home. The police contacted mum at the hotel to say that her passport had been found a mile away from the hospital.
The Spanish policeman was bemused that my mother’s Christian name is Pegasus. She explained that she always got called Peg. Her father had been intoxicated when he went to register her birth and instead of writing Peggy Sue (after the Buddy Holly song) he wrote Pegasus. It’s a popular family anecdote which is actually true. Anyway the upshot is she can travel home using her original passport.
Anita said not to tell mum, dad or Julian about pregnancy as she wanted to confirm it first. She said she would have to move to a bigger house. I told her that since Ivan is a taxi driver her options are slim as less people were using taxis during the recession. She said he could rejoin the TA and maybe get some shelf stacking work at Asda. I suggested she could get a part time job but she became very defensive and said that her place was at home bringing up the kids.
Very quiet day at work as Manda phoned in sick (she has to sort out her fancy dress costume and prepare the raffle prizes).
Mark and I went to the cinema to see a Nicholas Cage film. Extremely far fetched with an awful ending. I felt a bit sick as I scoffed a family bag of maltesers and half a bucket of popcorn. We went back to mine and he stayed over. We had a brilliant session between the sheets. He said he fancies me rotten with my new hair. I asked him if he would therefore go off me when it returns to it’s natural frizz. He said of course not as that is what my hair was like when I met him. I am not so sure.
Texted Rex at midnight to book another straightening treatment. I am booked in for next week. I ended up inviting Rex to fancy dress night and he said he would bring some of his pals. Told him Gus already going with Manda.
Had awful nights sleep because of buzzy ears. I think maybe I had this when I was little (Still am little, mean when I was a child.) I think it may be to do with my sinuses. I have made an appointment to see Dr. Bloomfield after work as olive oil appears not to be working.
Great day at work today. Manda on good form. She is really happy with Gus and says maybe she does hope it leads to something more serious. She is slightly younger than me at thirty two and was married briefly in her twenties but it didn’t work out. She had married her childhood sweetheart and they became like brother and sister. They are still good friends and regularly see one another. They both love the great outdoors so Des always invites her for hiking weekends and they go canoeing and abseiling. She says she is no longer sexually attracted to him. Anyway, she has invited me and Mark to a charity night at the weekend. It’s at the local leisure centre and is to raise money for meningitis as Des’s nephew has recently just recovered from it and the child (Josh 17) want to give something back to charity. We have to go in fancy dress to do with the 1970s. Luckily I still have my abba costume from a previous night out.
Manda says her and Gus want to look fabulous so they are hiring their’s.
Mark over the moon about charity night out. He seemed ecstatic to hear from me. He asked if I would stay at his after the party as it’s the bank holiday weekend so I said that would be nice. He said he would pick me up on Friday night and we would drop my bag off at his then we will share a taxi with Gus and Manda.
Doc has given me a nasal spray for the buzzing in my ears and thinks it is related to my allergies (there are many, pollen, cats, horses, dust mites to name but a few.) He looked me in the eye and asked how my anxiety was and how I was dealing with my obsessive compulsive disorder now that I was no longer visiting the psychologist. I told him that the prozac has made me feel lighter and less stressed but that my OCD was as bad as ever. I told him I was still doing a spring clean weekly instead of twice a year and that I had to check everything twice before leaving the house or going to bed. He pointed out that I had definitely improved as I used to do the cleaning thing daily (sometimes in the middle of the night) and checking things had reduced by half. He sad I looked well and that my blood pressure was fine.
Dr Bloomfield is an absolute saint. I don’t know what I will do when he retires next year.
Anita has emailed me. She thinks she might be pregnant as she has morning sickness. I reassured her that it was probably the alcohol combined with the dodgy water and the heat. She seems calmer. She said she already has three kids under the age of eight and at thirty one she feels too old to be getting up through the night again.
Of course two of her kids are twins and they run in Ivan’s side of the family. She has Miles who is eight, then the twins Channel (named after the place she was conceived, the eurostar which travels under the Channel Tunnel but is pronounced Cha-nel) and Paris. They are un identical five year old twins with completely different personalities. Channel is very spoiled and opinionated and Paris is a free spirit who is incredibly laid back. Miles is the protective big brother and is highly intelligent. He has read all the Harry Potter Books already.
Mark is taking me out tomorrow night so have decided on an early night. Very tired after previous night buzzy ear scenario.
Mark rang last night and invited me to his flat for a meal. I got a great surprise as he has been renovating it for weeks and it looks amazing. It’s really contemporary. He said that he had bought two of everything for the bedroom as who knows what the future holds? I presumed he was referring to having a woman move in with him so I became tetchy and quiet which spoiled the night really. He kept asking me what was wrong and I kept saying I was tired. He offered me to stay the night but I told him I needed to check my emails back home because of Benidorm situation. Plus my ears still bugging me and has made
me irritable.
Mark ran me back to my flat (think now is a hovel compared to his swanky loft-style apartment). I gave him a peck on the cheek and he looked wounded. I reassured him again that I was fine and made my way into the flat.
Got laptop out and checked emails. One from Julian saying he is still in love with Bianca and can’t get her out of his mind. He has texted her to say he is prepared to wait until she tires of being a gangster’s moll. She texted him back and said “au contraire, I love this lifestyle. Ring me if you come into serious money”. Anita also emailed to ask me what the cure is for prickly heat as both she and Ivan are suffering. Manda emailed me a jokey thing with a picture of Brad Pitt naked. I must say, Brad doesn’t do it for me. He is too pretty. Same with David Beckham. I think they would take longer getting ready
for a night out than a woman would. Manda then sent me another email describing what she and Gus had been up to. It sounded illegal and has given her carpet burns.
Looked up Prickly heat for Anita and it seems the only cures are lavender oil, taking anti histamine and avoiding sunbathing.
Mark texted me just as I was dropping off to sleep saying that he hoped he had not said anything to upset me and that he loved me. I didn’t reply. Treat them mean and keep them keen is my motto. (Totally isn’t but am very tired so maybe will text him tomorrow.)
