Diary of a CyberChondriac

Nightmare,  its raining outside.   Well when I say raining it’s like a fine mist.  I have got the type of hair that hates misty rain.   It just goes like a frizz.   I rarely go across the doors at Christmas because my hair resembles Noddy Holder from Slade when it frizzes up.   The local kids always shout “It’s Christmas” really loud if I venture out.   Its even the same strawberry blonde shade as Mr Holder’s.  I have also been compared to Rod Hull (at least it’s not Emu) and John Pertwee from his Doctor Who days (could be worse, could be Sylvester Macoy.)

I have been on google countless times to research curly follicles and have been recommended various products to tame the beast but none have worked.  I have tried having it cut into a gamine pixie crop but instead of looking elfin I just looked like a butch lesbian.
No offence to lesbians.  One of my female friends is gay and even she agreed the crop did me no favours.  My fringe also curls up and looks like a panty liner.

So as well as having a bad back I have got to go into work today with frizzy hair.  Not even a hood or umbrella can save me.  It’s like my hair senses the damp.  Still I have to go in as I dare not take any more sick leave.  I am close to going in the Guinness book of records for my low attendance.

I work in the offices for Macdonalds. Not the famous burger chain but a company who manufactures toilet fittings.

As it happens we are busy at the moment as we are supplying to George Wimpy for a new housing development.  I have been having a telephone flirtation with one of the builders.  He sounds really sexy.  I can guarantee that he will be a total Quasimodo in real life.

I looked at google in my lunch break to look for cures for my slow bowel movements.  I stumbled upon a site dedicated to piles. It said I may have them if I have painful and itchy bum hole.  It advised to look for something which resembles a bunch of grapes hanging from rectum. Now I am a bit confused . Did it mean small seedless grapes or the larger ones with pips?

The lighting very poor in staff bogs so will have to look later at home.  I will never get a boyfriend at this rate!  I mean piles is a huge turn off.   We wouldn’t be spoiling the moment by putting on a condom, we would be getting me comfortably positioned on my rubber ring to stop any chafing.   I am sure Dr Ruth didn’t talk about having “org-ashims” in this fashion.

Back at home and still reeling.   The sexy builder called by this afternoon to check on a delayed order of cistern parts.   He is actually quite dishy.   I would give him an eight out of ten and he is very muscly.   I was mortified that he saw me in my alter ego of Noddy Holder but it didn’t deter him from asking me out for a drink on Monday night.   Of course I accepted as at thirty four the clock is ticking.   I am the only sibling left to remain unmarried.   My sister Anita is married with three kids and my brother Julian has been married twice but is currently ‘playing the field’.

Must go back on line and check for a frizz cure again.   I have 48 hours to find a cure.   I need a miracle.

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