Diary of a CyberChondriac

Had to go straight on google this morning. I have an awful stabbing pain in my arm, near my funny bone. Took two paracetemol (can’t take ibuprofen because of hiatus hernia ). Google says it could be Tennis Elbow. I haven’t played tennis since 1982. I just don’t understand.

Bit late this morning so had to eat toast in the car on the way to work.

Kirk said he was glad to see Manda was over her bout of Gastric flu. She told him it is highly contagious so not to come near her at all today. He pulled a strange gurning sort of face.

He handed out our uniform. It is vile. I do not suit any shade of purple as it clashes with the broken capillaries on my face. We were allowed to change into it in the toilets separately. Mine is a bit snug to be honest. It’s a petite size eight but I am more of a ten in a petite. I informed Kirk of this but he said I would have to slim in to it.

Manda said that was out of order and she contacted our union rep (Bernice ) who promptly made some phone calls and then went in to see Kirk.

He sent me an email apologising and said he would order me a size ten and that I could wear my normal clothes until then.

He kept his distance from Manda and Bernice , but kept giving me his memory stick with letters I had to print off and post. Some of them were personal and ot to do with bathroom fittings. Manda said we should keep a diary and report him to the union. We don’t trust him so we are keeping a written journal on him to be kept at Manda’s.

Dentist hellish. Sat there for 45 minutes. My mouth had this clamp thing on and he kept asking me questions.

I have to go back next week to have the job finished. I now have a stump instead of a tooth and look like a pirate.

Went to Mark’s after the dentist but couldn’t even manage soup. He had cut out some jobs that he thought I might be interested in. He said once I had passed my test I could drive anywhere to work. I couldn’t take it any more and blurted out the whole story.

He said he will buy me some lessons with someone else but I told him my nerves were not up to it at this moment in time.

He was ok but a bit disappointed. He said he thought I had more get up and go about me. I told him that driving was my Achilles heel. He said swimming was his because of his deformity (webbed toes ). I said I thought that would make him a stronger swimmer. He said he is a brilliant swimmer but is too embarrassed to show his bare feet in public. He said there was only so many times you could wear a verruca sock.

He does have a sensitive side that I just love. He rubbed arnica cream into my elbow and we snuggled up in front of ‘Two and a half Men’.

I have agreed to spend weekend at his . It will give me a break from Memory foam.

Numbness didn’t wear off until half ten so I had a tin of Heinz tomato soup. Manda and I sat up chatting until midnight about life. Men, work, hairstyles of the rich and famous and plastic surgery.

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