Diary of a CyberChondriac

Anita left a voicemail on my mobile phone to say mum had gone into hospital to get her bunions done as there had been a cancellation. Doreen got out of hospital yesterday afternoon so Claude has been returned although Anita said she had said in a martyred tone that Claude may have to go to a shelter as she is too weak to care for him.

Managed to get through work. Manda took many notes on Kirk today. Bernice is thinking of resigning. Her dad says she can work in the family burger van which is positioned on the hard shoulder of a motorway. It is called ‘Brenda’s Big Baps’. Manda joked that I couldn’t work there with my 34B’s. Poor Bernice she must be desperate to even consider going to that job.

Went to dentist straight after work and then caught a bus to the general to see my mother.

She was holding court on the ward when I got there. The other patients were hanging on to her every word.

I was her first visitor. Anita had been this afternoon and said she was too tired to return. The sign on her bed said ‘Nil by mouth’.

Mum said she was so hungry she could eat a scabby gorilla between two pissy mattresses. I winced at her turn of phrase as I felt sick with hunger following numbness from dentist.

She kept telling me to talk proper, but I explained the numbness wouldn’t wear off for a few hours. Mum said she had asked Anita to feed dad and Doreen. I actually felt a bit sorry for Anita but I cannot help as I work full time and Manda doesn’t live anywhere near Neil Kinnock Crescent.

Julian turned up after twenty minutes or so but he didn’t have much to say as he hates hospitals .

I managed to wheedle out of him that he is still seeing trollop from his office but he is going for promotion so he is going to end things soon.

Mum says Anita gets the keys to new house on Monday so we are all expected (except her because of impending bunion operation ) to help clean, scrape, decorate and help move her in. I reminded mum it was my birthday and that I had plans. She said “Shame on you Carla Bradley.”

I don’t recall any of the family helping me when I got my flat. It was filthy as well. My boyfriend at the time helped me. I refuse to feel guilty. I have booked a massage in town and am meeting Rex for lunch as he doesn’t work Mondays. Don’t know if Mark has anything planned.

Was glad to leave hospital. Julian offered me a lift. On the way to Manda’s he told me to ignore mum. He pointed out that she is spoiled rotten and him and me have always had to make our own way in the world.

Mark rang me to tell me to get dressed up on Friday night as he has tickets to see ‘Chicago’ and then a meal afterwards. Am really looking forward to it. I will work on Saturday but will have Sunday off as can have a lie in at Mark’s in his non memory foam bed.

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