Diary of a CyberChondriac

Am going on the razz tonight. Rex rang me and asked me if I fancied a night out with him and his two friends Gus and Mitchell. I said I would go if I could bring some friends. I have arranged to go with Manda from work, and my long standing best friend Tracey. They are coming to mine at seven and we are meeting the lads in Chase Bar at eight. Rex said only Mitchell is gay so maybe I could hook up with Gus if I liked him. I told him I was still nursing a bruised ego.

My hair still looks fab so I decided to treat myself at the local salon to some beauty treatments. I had an anti ageing elemis facial, a manicure and a pedicure. Eyebrows were still ok from last weekend. On impulse I called into the hairdressers and had a blow dry as well. I applied false tan last night after my shower so am a nice golden hue. Put all my beauty treatments on my plastic card. I am working extra hours next week as Bernice is going on holiday so I have her shifts. The extra money will hopefully help pay some debt off.

Was arranging my outfit for tonight when my mobile rang. It was mum. She is distraught. Anita had to be rushed to hospital in middle of night with violent pains. The hotel doctor suspected appendicitis so didn’t want to take any chances. Anyway, when mum popped out for a cigarette she was mugged. A young guy ran passed her and cut her bum bag with a stanley knife. She has lost all her euros (600) and her passport. I said, “that’s terrible, but how is Anita?” and she replied “Fuck Anita, it was trapped wind. Too much junk food. I need to ask you how to explain about my lost money and passport”.

I consulted my trusted Spanish dictionary and told her how to say in broken Spanish ’ser vapuleado, perdido dinero, perdido pasaporte’. She wrote it down and said it sounded like the cast from a Martin Scorcese Movie. I told her she hadn’t lost her sense of humour. She said she was on the way to the police station. She is very worried as those euros were her baccy money. She was going to make a hundred percent profit. I told her to ask Anita to lend her credit card but she said they were not speaking. I told her she will have to apply for a new temporary passport.

Am ready, waiting for the girls. Got wine cooling and have put pot some nibbles. Stomach still in knots. I am still stressed about Mark, and now am worried about my mum. Decided to take two prozac. The more you take, the quicker they get into your bloodstream according to Google.

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