Diary of a CyberChondriac

Everyone has rang to see if Mark ok. I didn’t mention about my bad back to Rex but I did tell Manda. She said she went in the toilets with Gus for a Booty call at the charity event. I asked her how she had managed this as I could barely get in. She just sniggered and said I had to use my imagination. She said it involved standing on the toilet seat.

I don’t even want to go there.

Mark is still in agony and his family are coming over this afternoon to see him. Mercedes his sister left a message on the answer phone saying Rex had told Mungo all about his accident. She said she was surprised he was still going out with Worzel Gummidge (presume that’s me.)

I was meant to staying all day but I would rather make my escape now before they arrive.

Mark has begged me to stay and said to ignore Worzel Gummidge remark. He said Mungo and Babs both liked me and his parents were ok with me. Well flattery indeed. I think Mungo only likes me because I didn’t freak about his sex change operation. I may suffer with many physical and mental illnesses but I am efinitely not narrow minded. That is thanks to my parents and their eccentric ways.

My back really bad and feel I would be better in my own flat sitting with a hot water bottle watching Pride and Prejudice. However, I have soldiered on and managed to give Mark his lunch and his pills. He has been given Tramadol but they are making him really drowsy. I will have to ring in sick for him tomorrow.

The outlaws will be here soon so I have managed to tidy myself up and potter around cleaning up the flat.They have just buzzed up using the intercom so I will switch off now and report back later.

Well I am now back home. Me and Mark are finished for good.

Bloody Mercedes turned up with Jennifer. My confidence just evaporated as they are a formidable twosome. Mercedes looked at me with disdain and Jennifer went straight to the sofa where Mark was lying and started fawning over him. She kissed him on the lips. I don’t honestly think Mark could pull away quick enough as he was in too much pain. I felt so sick to my stomach I said I had just received a text saying my mother was ill and had to go. I quickly gathered my stuff and left.

I was in such a state I walked all the way back to my flat even though it is six miles away.

I was sweating like a kipper when I got home so I had a shower and switched my mobile off. Am seriously thinking about getting a new SIM card so that Mark cannot bother me anymore. I just can’t take any more of this shit. He may say that he doesn’t have feelings for her but she is always going to be there isn’s she? floating about in the shadows like a bad smell. Mark had shouted after me but I put my hand up in a ‘talk to the hand coz the face ain’t listening ‘ type of gesture.

I have phoned Rex in tears. He was in bed with some youngster (22 year old student) when I rang but he insisted on driving straight over. Manda and Tracey are on their way also.

My fabulous friends have been so kind. They made me have a hot bath, take my pain killers and eat some fish and chips which they had brought around.

They have all gone home now as it’s late and they all have work tomorrow. I have decided not to answer phone or mobile for a few days. Rex has given me one
of his phones to contact people on and transferred all my numbers for me.

Rex told me that Mercedes had slagged me off to Babs last weekend. She said I looked like a scarecrow and have no prospects (Mark had told Babs and Mungo that he had met me at bathroom fitting supply firm) and Mercedes said this is hardly a high flying career.

I tried to act like I wasn’t bothered but I think Rex can read me quite well.

I will not wait until new year to make resolutions as I have decided today that I will go back to college on an evening and train to do something. Maybe I could do an open university degree? I could become a doctor even. I have a head start being so well read on all medical matters.

I will sleep on it. I cannot phone in sick tomorrow as I already have had a sick warning this year. I need this job to pay my rent and bills. We haven’t all got rich millionaire brothers like Mark.

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