Diary of a CyberChondriac

Manda still very itchy down below. She said it’s like thrush but times a million. I have told her a billion times to stop exaggerating.

Massive order at work so manager says there will be weekend overtime available and he may take on an assistant manager as he has to go away on business. He made himself sound really important. Smug git. Still the extra money will come in handy. Maybe one of these days I will be able to buy my own flat instead of renting from that Jewish sod.

Mum rang. Anita is further along than she thought and they think she must have had a breakthrough bleed. She is expecting twins. Well it couldn’t have happened to a nicer person! Apparently, Ivan is on prozac but he can’t go on the sick because he won’t get paid. Poor Bastard. Still he should have kept it in his troosers.

I was having an okay sort of day as work goes and I started getting an awful dull pain in the top right of my jaw. I looked it up on google and said it could be a condition called TMJ caused by teeth grinding or whiplash, an abscess or tension in the muscles. Well I am not sure whether I grind my teeth (will set a tape up tonight to record my night noises ), I do not have whiplash but I am always tense so may be that. Will wait to hear results of grinding experiment before I seek medical advice.

Tracey came over tonight to help me start packing. She is joining an internet dating site. I helped her with her profile. It asked what type of man she wanted to meet. She said “Carla, I just want to meet someone who will love me and care for me”. I told her that made her sound needy and desperate so we agreed on average attractiveness, over five feet seven, medium build, no baldies, white collar worker preferable, must have own teeth, must not dye hair, no peanut allergy sufferers, no vasectomy receivers, no kids, must have own property and car.

I am sure she will get loads of responses - not! We have used her best photo, taken about ten years ago just after she came out of university. She looks so happy and hopeful. Little did she know she would end up in the Civil Service!

She has never used her degree really, except once she mentioned it on an application form for the TV show ‘Eggheads’. Her team never got accepted. Shame as Tracey is very photogenic and would have looked fab on TV.

Rex rang while Tracey was there. He had heard about me having to move and offered me a bed but I declined his kind offer. He asked if anything was wrong with Manda as Gus got the feeling she was trying to avoid him. I told him she was really into him and that we have big thing on at work at the moment. Rex sniggered and said he didn’t know there would ever be a rush on for bog seats. I informed him that we supply to all the big names as well as hotel chains and the local councils. He said ‘keep your hair on missus, was only joking, thought you were going to retrain anyway?”. I told him I was still thinking about it. He asked me to come to his friends housewarming party on Saturday night but I had to refuse as am working overtime at the weekend.

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